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节约用电小窍门英语批改英语作文应对电力匮

发布时间:2024年07月15日    点击:[11]人次

修改一篇英语作文,原作文来自网络。

原文:Recently, every morning when I wake up, I find my air-conditioner automatically turned off. I didn't understand why at first, but soon I learned that there was a great shortage of electricity supply in our city – my air-conditioner turned off because of a power failure midnight.

With the rapidly developing industry and the ever-increasing population, demand for electricity supply is soaring. Besides, summers in recent years are much hotter than before, so most working places and households are air-conditioned, which consumes additional electricity.

Face with such a hard nut, we have to find ways to crack it. Above all, in western areas China, there is surplus of electricity supply. So, cities that are thirsty for electricity may ask for remote help. Then, when we have electricity, we should remember to save it. Set your air-conditioners at 27C and you won't feel less comfortable than when they are at 26C . In fact, some factories already shift their working hours to avoid the peak time of electricity consuming. My parents don't work from Monday to Friday as before – they work from Saturday to Wednesday and have the following two days off instead. This is also a way out, isn't it?

修改中:

解说:“Power Failure” —— 虽然文章以断电开头,实际上讲的是讲缺电,可以改成“Power Shortage”。更严格地说,文章讲的是如何应对缺电问题,“Power Shortage and Its Solutions.”

“Recently, every morning when I wake up” —— “Recently”和“every morning”都是时间,叠加。另,因为接下去的两句用了过去式,这里也应该使用过去式。“Recently, when I woke up in the morning”。

“I find my air-conditioner automatically turned off” —— 下面讲到“I didn’t understand”,用了过去式,那么这里“发现”也用过去式。再者,“automatically turned off”,虽然空调是自动关停的,但你当时并未发现此点,否则就不会“不理解”(也许是你充满爱意的老妈嫌你费电,进来给你关掉的)。去掉“automatically”。“I found my air-conditioner turned off”。

“I didn't understand why at first” —— “why” 好像是说“为什么”,而这里要表述的意思是“如何发生的”。“At first I didn’t understand how it happened”。

“shortage of electricity supply” ——可以,但简约起见,可以去掉“supply”,就说“shortage of electricity”。

“my air-conditioner turned off because of a power failure midnight” —— 严格地说,midnight是半夜十二点,但你并不知道停电的具体时间。改成“my air-conditioner turned off because of a power failure some time in the night”。

“With the rapidly developing industry and the ever-increasing population” —— 第一次提到工业和人口,可以把定冠词改成不定冠词。另外可以把“工业”改成“经济”,文意好一点儿。“With a rapidly developing economy and an ever-increasing population”.

“Besides, summers in recent years are much hotter than before” —— besides,additionally,moreover,这些字意思差不多,但besides比较口语化。比如,“I can’t go. I need to work. Besides, I haven’t eaten yet.”

“most working places and households are air-conditioned, which consumes additional electricity” —— “which”是指前面的工作单位和人家,复数,把“consumes”改成“consume”。

“Face with such a hard nut, we have to find ways to crack it” —— 是有“a hard nut to crack”(“难开的硬果”)这个成语,但应该没人说“face with such a hard nut”(nut 还有“蛋蛋”的意思,你面对它干嘛)。另外,have to 与 must 意思相近,但前者有被迫的含义,比如有规则规定,不得不服从。Must有主观上决定做什么事情的意思。这里用must吧。“Facing such a difficulty [或者 Faced with such a challenge], we must find ways to deal with it.”

原文最后一段结构不清,这里改成了“First of all”,“Secondly”,“Thirdly”,有点儿古板,但比较明确。

“there is surplus of electricity supply” —— 通常说 “a surplus of”。

“cities that are thirsty for electricity” ——“thirsty”原意是口渴,想喝水,与电力搭配别扭。“cities in need”,“有需求的城市”。

“may ask for remote help” —— 现如今“remote help”通常指通过网络或电话“远程服务”,比如你居家办公,对单位来说是work remote。改一下,避免词义不清,“get help from those far-off regions”。

“we should remember to save it” —— save it有“保留下来,以后再用”的意思。“You have just two apples. Save one for later.” 但电这玩意你保留不下来,只能是你当时不用,让别人用. 说“conserve”吧,“we should conserve as much as we can”(我们应该尽可能的节约)。

“Set your air-conditioners at 27C and you won't feel less comfortable than when they are at 26C . In fact, some factories already shift their working hours to avoid the peak time of electricity consuming.” —— 这里的“in fact”使用不当。“In fact”通常用来进一步说明前面讲到的事情,提供证据。但本文这里说的是两件不同的事情,前面是把空调温度定高点儿,后面是工厂改了上班时间,这两者之间不存在“in fact”的关系。 用“Thirdly”,把工厂调整作息时间列为处理缺电的第三个办法。

“My parents don't work from Monday to Friday as before” —— 行,但“don’t work … as before”稍微啰嗦,可以说 “my parents used to work from Monday to Friday”(我的父母过去周一至周五上班),这样与下一句的对比效果也好些。

“This is also a way out” —— 到了文章结尾了,写得明确一点儿,“This is also a way out of our problem”。

修改后:

翻译:缺电

最近,我早晨醒来的时候,经常发现我的空调关掉了。一开始我不太明白怎么回事,但很快就了解到我们的城市非常缺电 —— 晚上什么时候停电了,我的空调也就关掉了。

随着经济的快速发展和人口的不断增长,对于电力的需求正在飙升。而且,最近一些年的夏天都比以往要热得多,大多数工作单位和人家都安装了空调,这样就消耗了更多得电力。

面临这样一个困难,我们必须找出处理得办法。首先,中国西部的一些地区有多余的电力。有需求的城市大概可以从那里取得帮助。第二,我们有了电,一定要尽可能地节约。你把你的空调定在27度也不会比定在26度难受多少。第三,一些企业可以在替代时间开工,从而避开用电高峰。事实上,一些工厂已经调整了它们的工作时间。我的父母过去从周一到周五上班 —— 现在他们从周六到周三工作,后面两天休息。这也是解决我们问题的一个方法,不是吗?

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